Back In My Day Blowing A Tranny Meant You Had Car Trouble Shirt, hoodie
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Back In My Day Blowing A Tranny Meant You Had Car Trouble Shirt, hoodie
Let me tell you one thing that lecturing will do. If you’re not careful, the other person will agree or shut up, but they don’t really agree. They only agree for you to shut up. We call this an avoidance motive. An avoidance motive is when someone does or does not do something to avoid the penalty or the pain that’s coming as a result of it. Now we know the consequences are coming in life, and that’s not what I’m saying. I’m talking about how we use control or use pain to direct people, to influence people.
Maybe it’s continual talking. So as I continue to talk and lecture on the problem and try to get you to understand it, sometimes people will just shut down and agree, but it’s not agreement. It’s just submission or the white flag. Your husband thinks he does nothing wrong, so he doesn’t want to deal with this anymore. Well, you know, as well as I, that’s not going to get you anywhere. That’s just kicking the can down the road until the next more significant event happens. You don’t want to lecture your husband until he shuts up and submits. You want to communicate in his language.
If I go to a Spanish town or a Spanish country, I need to speak Spanish to communicate. I can’t go to China and get mad at people because I’m speaking English and I can’t understand them. It’s not their language. So, I want to be careful that when I am confronting or speaking to my spouse about something wrong, I’m speaking in their language. And it helps if you can do that. We can also help you find that with something called the DISC profile.
In addition to that, the word wrong can be confrontational just in itself. Just by mentioning it, you are making an accusation that they were wrong. Immediately defenses come up, because your husband thinks he does nothing wrong. Then he will begin to protect himself. So what I want to offer you is a reframing, maybe a way to see this thing differently.
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